The Habit of Work

But before we really celebrate, I’ve played this game before and I know what happens next..

I’ll be a good employee for about a month, then I’ll start to hate waking up for work, then my mind will be on the side of quitting and then….unemployed again.

How can I make sure that this time will be different? How do you get into a habit of working?

 

Interviews are just ticking time bombs

I got an interview for a job today at 1230. I’m excited but I’m feeling like I always do before an interview – confident, but wary.

When it comes to me, you know that I’m not the best person to keep or maintain job relationships. I mean I’m a really good worker when I want to be, but usually my mind figures out what I’m doing and messes it up for me, but NOT THIS TIME!!!!!

THIS TIME I’m going to try to keep this job (if I get it) AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. I told myself I’d keep it for a year, but is that really something I can promise? Keeping a job is like keeping water in a bowl while running…NOT GOOD.

So what should I do to prepare myself for work again….

Anyone!? How did you get back into the working world after a crash and burn of the mind!

My husband is excited about me making money again, which is great, but he should be more concerned on how this job will go considering all my previous jobs. I hope he can see when I’m falling and helping me stand up and go back in.

Ugh. Just thinking about work scares the shit out of me, but what else am I going to do!??

Double Agent

I know people with mental illness have to act like double agents everyday, but lately I have been feeling more and more unknown to myself.

everyday I wake up not knowing who I am and what I might do today. This morning, I woke up and decided that I didn’t want to go to work, so I smoked, call my job, and went back to bed. I woke up 3 hours later really kicking myself in the ass for not going.

What is going on with me? Sometimes I’m looking out through eyes that might not be mines.

Am I still going through a rebellious period? Do I have nothing to work and strive for?

Has anyone felt this way? Is it my addiction or my mental illness?

I’M FREE! but why do I feel like this?

Right now, in this moment, I feel dread and uncertainty comes over me. I walked into my ex-job to sign my resignation forms and when I left I felt….blah.

It could be because I have been smoking and drinking. I have been using marijuana. I have not been taking my medication. I have really been fucking up all the good that I’ve gained… and for what? NOTHING. 

This always happens to me. I get on track, I hate being on the track, I leave the track. I’m depressed about my being on track.

UGH UGH UGH!

What is wrong with me? This isn’t mental illness. This is a curse.

Back to the Future!

My job is officially gone.

I am unemployed once more and I feel good and bad. I feel like I just jumped out of a window, but somehow I know there is something that will catch me. A leap of faith maybe?

So…i guess this means you will be hearing a lot more from my mentally illed ass a lot more..

Yay?

Do something you don’t want to do today

I am… I’m going to work. I don’t want to, but I know it will put me in a different mood and force me to feel something else. Here are somethings you can do today to get out of that mood.

Good luck!

Bipolar, Employed, and Hating it

Jobs are for brains that can make plans and stick with them. Jobs are for people who can go with the flow, and not just be pretending to.

My new job is working in retail. I am a visual merchandising assistant. I make a little above minimum wage, but that’s not the problem..

..the problem is that I work with young, backstabbing, vain, horrible, non professional people. These are the kind of people that make cliques and make everyone else who isn’t in it feel like outsiders. They are really fake and mean to people whom they don’t deem fashionable enough.

The other day I got sent in the office for a talk because I had ask for my boss’s boss opinion on a project I was doing. She helped me and was really okay about it, but then turned around and told my boss that I didn’t know what I was doing, and that he must not be training me right! She got all of that from me asking her advice! My bosses told me to never talk to her again because she just acts like that about everything. Basically, she is out to get me. THEN they told me that I need to calm down because I am just an assistant and that my enthusiasm was too much!!

Too much?? Too much?? If they only knew how much I needed and wanted a job! How much effort it takes me to keep something because of my mental illness! It shocked me!

Now, I’m sitting in-between a rock and a hard place because I need and like what I do, but the people are not my cup of tea.

How can I overcome this??

“I hate to work”, says the Bipolar mind

I feel like the reason I am so anti about working is my mind.

I dread going to work. Every day. Every time i think about going to do work for someone or something other than myself. I get angry, and don’t want to do it.

I really think this is a bipolar trait.

Shit, it doesn’t matter if its the best job on earth, im going to dread going to it, and spend my precious 6 to 8 hours.

Is this normal for you too? I don’t want to have these feelings anymore.

((side note: as I am typing this, my job called me in early, and I said yes. ))

Does this mean I’m a really lazy person, or that I don’t like to do the things I don’t like to do.

I wish I was born rich or royal.. With a normal brain.

A FILLER post..boooo

I’m just checking in to see how my BP family is holding up.

I know that I have been absent lately, but know that everything is going well and I am making up for lost time and money.

Don’t worry, the next post will be filled with that’s happening, what new highs my bipolar has taken me to, and what’s next. I look forward to reading what you have been doing as well.

Good luck my friends:)

I’m working!! And I’m Manic.

I’m finally working!

I’m working as a housekeeper at a large hotel. A hotel that has a very large water park and lots of kids! (Sacre bleu!!) I’m really excited to be working and making some money, at least. The bad thing about it all is that I think I’m in my manic phase. I’m feeling really sexual, I’m conducting behaviors that seem irrational.

I feel good though, but it’s not the kind of good that I need right now.

How are you?