Call me Ms. Cleo

Do you believe in Astrology? Do you believe that everything is predetermined? If so,…was I meant to have Bipolar-disorder?

Why? WHY ? WWHHYY do I have this? Why can’t I stop having this? WHY am I up right now?

There are so many questions that run through my mind every second of the day, and they all start with WHY? Do psychics deal with the “why” of life too?

I can’t stop asking WHY if I wanted to. I always need to know deeper than what’s on the surface. I think that’s how I know something (or someone) is real. Research. 

For me, the WHY keeps me up at night, drives me to be angry, and make my mind run at wrap speed. So, how come I haven’t been BEAMED UP yet!

The WHYs of life are killing me right now. Its killing my BP, and I know I don’t need to have or am ever going to know the reasons behind WHY, I just hope that the WHYS are worth it…

Back to the Future

Talking to people from my past and telling them about my BP is incredibly annoying and critical at the same time.

I want the other person to really understand me. In reality, they only hear how I left my job for no reason whatsoever.

I just went into my old high school for some information on my class and I talked to my old guidance counselor. I told her the truth with what’s going on with me. She seemed sympathetic, but I still felt like I was exposed. Like I cut open a fresh healed wound.

Talking to her also made me realize that my reality is real and I can’t run from it. That I haven’t grown up at all. I’m still that young kid, missing out on life.

Man…how can she make me feel like that in only a matter of minutes?

I wonder if I should have told her anything?…

Should of, would of, could of. I can only hope the next time I see her I will be in a better place. She also told me that I was maybe manic in high school.