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Bipolar Tunes

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Sometimes SHIT comes around

And it knocks you down

Just get BACK UP

When it knocks you down

I know this isn’t a mental illness song but it’s lyrics can definitely used in how we feel about stuff. Love feels the same as pain, shame, hate, anger. It’s all feelings and they all knock us damn down sometimes.

Get back up.

Gun Violence: The New Mental Illness 🤔

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I recently got back into magazines and got a subscription to People.

Every week in People there is a real story about a real tragedy that always involves Mental Illness.

Instead of talking about Mental Illness and signs to help loved ones (so you dont tragically end of like that) they talk about why you wear orange…for Gun violence.

Gun violence? This man was going through severe depression and shoots himself and you blame the gun? You said before that your dad bought the gun he was okay. (or was he?) Something happened to make him not okay

It wasn’t the gun. Gun violence is horrible though but it is it just the problem.

I think if we focus more on the root of the tree, we could get to why the branches we acting crazy..

Authority vs. Mental Illed Woman.

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I just shared with my boss that I’m kind of feeling salty about going down to part time. The reason I had to was because of horrible family issues.

His response was.. “well just do what I tell you and you’ll be fine”

🙄🤔

WHAT!? Do what you tell me to do? Is This isn’t a hierarchy. Is This is the ThunderDome? When was the time I did everything you tell me to and I felt fine about it?

My mental illness makes me hold on to everything and THAT was definitely something you shouldn’t have said.

Now.. I’ll probably do something shitty and regret it later but at least I know what a trigger is for me….

A U T H O R I T Y.

No connection. Please wait..

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My husband recently told me that he hasn’t been feeling like we’ve been connecting.

Yup. I told him I believe it. I don’t feel connected to anything lately. My whole life right now feels like I could give a damn.

Every chance I get I try to take a breather outside the house because I feel overwhelmed all the time, by everything.

I told him it’s my mental illness and that help is on the way but until then I’ll try to make more of an effort.

This is my way to say: “yeah right”

Ugh

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Today I am feeling really shitty because of some family issues I just found out.

I’m moody, a bitch, and tired all day long.

I think this is what you call normal for me now.

A lot of periods no commas.

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Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.

PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.

Shit has HIT the fan. Again.

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Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?

I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.

I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.

Now.

I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.

I’m tired and pissed that I am doing this again.