2:06am

What are YOOUU doing up?

Me? Once I wake up for my son, I’m up for 2 hours. My mind is running about everything that has ever happened to me.

😞

Although I’ve always been a night owl. Nighttime is peaceful and quiet, but my life and priorities have changed. I’m the same mentally illed lady just world shift.

Any else trying to hold on to bad habits but know your lifestyle has changed. Congrats! I’m you…only more depressed.

2:16a

I Me Mine – The Beatles

This song really makes me think about I, Me, and… well.. MINE.

Isn’t that what everyone thinks about all the time? I think if you have a mental illness you think about yourself way more than others. This is because you always have to be “ahead of the game” when it comes to your illness. That is why they tell you to go help others or volunteer to get your mind off you… your mind.

Damn, all through the day… I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

Hello Prozac,..I mean, Fluoxetine

So I am on Prozac now. Actually I am on a generic med called Fluoxetine.

It is making me sleepy, and hungry, but not angry, depressed, or sad. I don’t know how much I like it yet. While I was on Wellbutrin I felt energized, fit, healthy, and on track. This makes me feel on track, but about 5pm I feel so sleepy and take naps. Then I am up until 2am.

Well I have only been on it for 5 days, so we will see how this goes…

Other than that, I am waiting to hear back from jobs, but I am thinking if they haven’t called me back yet, they probably won’t.

Darn..

and I was so looking forward to work with retail customers again…

not.

oh well, on to the next one…

An APP for a troubled mind

Can I please give a shout out to an app that has relaxed me. Its in the apple App Store, and it’s called TAKE A BREAK.

While listening to this app I’ve noticed that my stress is always in my head. It’s feels like horrible pressure. It goes down my back, into my legs and hands. While doing this app, I broke down and cried like a baby. I cried because I could feel the pressure and when it was gone I felt good.
I cried because I felt good.
I felt something I haven’t in a long time.

My mind also felt a little at ease, I mean, right now I can feel the stressed feeling entering my body, but the key thing is: I’m actually feeling it.

I have been stressed out so much, for so long, I don’t know what it feels like to be relaxed, to feel comfortable, to feel safe.

To live…

4am

I woke up 2 hours ago, mad. Mad at my husband for turning on the heat in the middle of the night. I literally woke him out of sleep to yell at him. Now, I’m still so mad I can’t go back to sleep..

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just let things go? My mind feel so tight right now, like I’m about to get a killer headache.

Why can’t I ever sleep through the night without waking up because I’m congested or mad?

Oh, I know why!

MENTAL FUCKING FUCK YOU ILLNESS!! AARRRRRRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Turning in a Vampire.

I hate sleeping nowadays. Between my fiance snoring me to death, the rain machine, and the space heater loudness, I am NOT sleeping. They all wouldn’t be the problem if I could just shut my brain off as well.

I wish I was still on Seroquel. 

I wish I could lay my head down, like my fiance, and knock out. That’s how you know he isn’t plagued with mental illness, when they knock out in two seconds. Doushe…

Now, I’m patrolling the internet like a dog in heat. Waiting for something interesting to catch my eye so I can start counting sheep. I even made a cup of tea.

I’m trying to keep a lid on my personal life and with little sleep and not smoking or drinking, I feel like this is going to get uglier before its gets okay. 

Any sleep remedies you use?