I Me Mine – The Beatles

This song really makes me think about I, Me, and… well.. MINE.

Isn’t that what everyone thinks about all the time? I think if you have a mental illness you think about yourself way more than others. This is because you always have to be “ahead of the game” when it comes to your illness. That is why they tell you to go help others or volunteer to get your mind off you… your mind.

Damn, all through the day… I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Yesterday I realized that my family will throw me under the bus very VERY quickly.

I won’t go into detail about what happened, but I will say that my grandmother and mother are very mean, evil, angry women. I know where it comes from now.

They talked about me so badly while I sat in the other room trying to calm down and go over what happened in my head. They talked about my friends, my wedding, and how selfish I am. They did all this under the impression that I did something that I DID NOT do.

Is this mental illness? I know my mother has one, but does my grandmother have a mental illness? It was so quick for them to jump on me and make me feel like shit, and show no remorse about it when I told then what really happened.

My nana gave me a really lame ‘if I’m wrong, I’m sorry’ but how could you say the things you did and then 30 mins be sorry…

I don’t know how to handle this. It’s not like I can change the family I have, but it seems like every member of my family aren’t happy.They are mean, selfish, uncaring people, yet they expect me to help and care for them. To be like their needing and sounding board.

I am really going through something right now. The whole beginning of this year has been challenging my mental illness, my body, and my heart. I will get through this though and be a better person and supporter to the people I know and love, but I will never give my family all of myself anymore.

That’s just for me.

I hate Celebrities, but can I have your autograph?!

Celebrities stink!

I hate watching American Idols, and America’s got Talent, or anything where people are showing off something unique about themselves. You know why? I’m jealous.

There I said:       I ‘ M J E A L O U S ! ! !

I’m jealous because these people have found something that they really enjoy, and can do well. They found a part of themselves, went out, showed it to the world, and BOOM they are superstars. I wish I could produce a cat out of my ass, or dance like Beyonce, but really I don’t have a talent that I can show the world and become something great.

I am a Leo, and Leos are born to be in the spotlight. Every one of those horoscope books tell you that Leos are people creatures. We crave attention, and are natural born leaders. This I can not deny. I love going to parties and meeting everyone there. I love singing karaoke in a packed bar. There are loads of Leos in entertainment and politics in our world that do amazing things. Hell, President Obama and I have the same birthdayWhere is my glory? Where is my television show, and E! Special? Giuliana, i’m here!

The point to all this is, a trigger of of mine are celebrities, and I can’t seem to get away. I will be honest, I go on gossip sites and watch E! news, but only to see if their lives are crumbling around them, like mine.

HA HA! So your getting a divorce? Wonderful!

Oh, your coming out saying your losing all your money! Welcome to the pain! Party of YOU!

I know it horrible, but I like to hear of others in pain, because i’m in pain. This doesn’t work on my friends. If they are in trouble, or pain, I feel pain, and try to help them as best as I can. It’s only to people that I’m not close to that I want them to hurt. I’m sorry if this backs people away from this blog or my life, but I don’t know if this aspect is me, or the BP.

I should be encouraged to want to follow into someone who has great footsteps, but i don’t. I’ve never have a role model, other than my mom, and she’s more crazy than me. Should I never watch TV or read the news at all? Am I really selfish?

I don’t want to watch tv and get angry at people who I don’t know if they struggled to get  to that point. I don’t want to feel hate. Are you celeb-hating? Is there a club out there for us?!