Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.
PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.
Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?
I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.
I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.
I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.
my family made me feel like shit this Christmas, in turn, making me feel like shit the whole weekend. I spent my weekend locked up in my house, on the couch, alone. I didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, hang out, nothing..
i feel bad because i feel like i ruined Christmas but the people around me didn’t care about my feelings at all so my holiday was ruined.
ugh to the people around me.
ugh to the holidays.
ugh to myself for not getting up and leaving this place when i could.
I am rolling! Rolling on the river of SUCKY people around me.
I rolling around wondering that since I don’t really horrible anymore, everyone else is..
People, big wheels keep on turning, and so does problem and this wave that is coming at you.
p.s. i’m sorry i’m so dark, but shit, you should see what’s going on on the other side of the screen…love you all though. hope your well and your mind hasn’t gotten the best of you. fight. fight. fight
Writing is so hard when your feeling good. Nothing comes to you as freely as it did. Now, i’m looking at a keyboard
thinking of thing to write about.
Has my mental illness journey finally stop? I mean they do say, “all good things come to an end”, but I have
something that is helping my mood and stabling my life as much as it can. Shouldn’t I have more information and Ideas to venture??
They never tell you what happens after the storm.
So now, I’m sitting here, typing an excuse of why I don’t have an elaborate, cool, funny entry to give and asking myself:
and did I ever have elaborate, cool, funny entries? I mean…
I have bipolar disorder, i was diagnosed when i was 18 after 2 years on anti-depressants and lots of blood, sweat and tears later. I had finished high school and when my parents realized it wasn’t ‘just the stress from school’ decided to listen to me. It was a battle to say the least, various doctors and visits to rehabs with creepy psychiatrists that with one look could make your skin crawl.
How do you cope/relax from your mental illness?
Coping and relaxing are in no way easy, but I’ve found that i’m best when i have a routine and keep busy. Boxing has proven to be the favorite form of therapy!!!
What are 3 words that you would describe how your illness makes you feel?
Three words that being bipolar makes me feel would be empty, frustrated and alone.
If you could talk to world leaders about mental illness, what would be the one thing you discuss?
If i was to talk to world leaders about mental illness, it would be on education- or rather the failings of it. That’s where the stigma and fear begins. Children are never educated on their feelings, therefore we need to implement forms of education that recognition, accept and most importantly don’t desensitize a generation because of the way knowledge is presented.
What is some advice you would give someone who is fighting mental illness?
To people with mental illnesses, there is always hope even if it comes from something small, hope is always there. Surround yourself with people who don’t make you feel invalid and will pick up a call from you in tears at 3am.
How can we keep in touch with you? (blog, Facebook, Twitter)