Running

My mind is running so bad.

Lately, it’s been running twice it’s normal. I think it’s because I have something important coming up. I have a job interview today, and I’m really REALLY nervous about it. I need this job. Not just for me, but for my family and the immediate future. I just can’t stop thinking.

Yesterday, I couldn’t even do anything because my mind wanted to do a million things. When I get like that, I just don’t do anything at all. I rather do nothing, then start and stop. Like now, I got online not to make a post but to look at clothes, check Facebook, start a 2013 want to do/ need to do list, look up the company for my interviews, and more..more…

Why is this a symptom of BP? Couldn’t there be something else. Couldn’t it make me bark like a dog? or EXPLODE!

Ugh.

This merry-go-round is killing me.

People make me ANGRY! Or is it just me?

People will be just that.

People.

For as long as I can remember, people have stood in my way with their stopping verbage like “no, sorry, I can’t”. I can’t remember the last nice thing someone, other than my fiance, had done for me. I really feel if there were not as many people, the world would be a better place.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not about to blow up a building, or kill mercilessly. Sometimes I want to really bad. I’m an angry women. I am angry all day, everyday. I guess this is apart of my bipolar, but I can’t shake how angry people make me.

Today, the lines were really long in the grocery store (there is a winter storm coming, and people really freak out) and I only had two items. I could feel myself getting antsy and impatient. Why? Why do I feel the need to get like that when I know how its going go be?
Another angry moment was that I texted my cousin something and she didn’t get back to me because her son had her phone. Knowing that I’m texting you, why would you let him have your phone? Why would you let him take it, thus keeping me on the edge, waiting for your reply? Ugh! When will this ‘i hate people’ end?

There are a million thoughts running through my head right now. I took my pill (Bp meds) and I’m about to crash, but I had to write my angry thoughts down. I have to be accountable.

I want to stop being angry, and start living my life.

Please.