Money is the ROOT of my illness. What’s new?

Money is the root of all evil. Money makes me feel shitty and inexperienced. It doesn’t help my mental illness either.. for example..

Today I had a new appointment with a therapist and I had to cancel and get it rescheduled for next month because my husband’s bank account got into the negative and we didn’t have money to restore it soooo my money had to go all to his account. I have to wait because of money…because my husband doesn’t know how to look at his account before he spends money…

I hate worrying where the next dollar is going from. Does this contribute to mental illness? Worrying? Being upset about how your getting it or keeping it.

Does anyone else STRESS about MONEY everyday?!!

Does your Spouse care? Mine…

Today is my week and 2 days not smoking. Its hard! Especially when your with friends that smoke. Last night was the biggest test for myself…and.

I PASSED!

No literally, I passed it around to someone else. Neither my husband or I lit up, which is a great feeling. I finally feel like I have a gasp on something. Well that all went way as soon as. I got home. My husband…

Sigh.

My husband isn’t a motivator or an acknowledger, will never be a motivator or an acknowledger, and I need to remember this from now on.

We got in a huge fight (which I will tell you I didn’t feel that angry about at all, and kind still don’t) about him not acknowledging me NOT smoking. We got into the car, and about 15 mins into going home I turn to him and say “good job on not smoking!”. He said thanks. I waited for him to say it back, but he didn’t. I then ask him if he was going to tell me it back and he BLOWS UP! Saying he was going to do it on his own time, and now it means nothing if he says it, and that I’m going to hold it over his head forever.

The funny thing is, I think he only got mad because he wasn’t going to say it at all. He wasn’t even thinking about saying it. The other day he even asks why I even keeping track of my non-smoking days..

I guess my challenges are not significant enough for him to acknowledge? Maybe I’m asking too much from him to say good job to me? Maybe he just doesn’t seem to notice how much good I’m doing for myself…but should he?

Should he motivate and encourage me through stuff that’s really my problem anyways?

After all was done, He got really really mad that I didn’t say good night to him before going to bed, but I told him that I would do it in my own time….like him…

How much are spouses suppose to care??

P.s.: HAPPY WEEK AND TWO DAYS TO ME! Feeling good!

Gone, but NOT forgotten!

Hello BP world. I’m back…and IM MARRIED!

YAY to me! YAY to such a world wind of events that have stopped me from blogging, but now I’m back and better than ever. I have so much to catch you up on, and I hope you have some stuff for me.

First thing is first… MY BIPOLAR HAS DISAPPEARED!!

NO, seriously. I haven’t had an episode, a craving, a low moment, a high moment… I haven’t had anything to worry about! Isn’t that super? Don’t you just want me to rub you so you can get this NO BIPOLAR thing too?! Well, sadly, it doesn’t work like that, does it? It will pop its ugly head right back into my life, and I am not excited about it.

Good news is, I will have health insurance by the end of Oct, and I WILL be getting myself some help. I also have stop smoking, I started swimming for exercise, and I’ve started lying to myself. I’m lying because I’m telling myself that the worst is over… but its not.

I’m not ready to deal with my BP again, but i’m excited to get it under control and monitored.

ENOUGH ABOUT ME!! YOU YOU YOU! How are you?