I’m still alive. I’m sorry for such a long hiatus, but the holiday is always a bad time for me. I hate/love the holidays because my family is around, but the holidays have a way of making you feel less than great when you can’t give anyone anything and you feel shitty inside.
I don’t have any resolutions for the new year. Maybe just to get my life together. I have wasted so much time on just thinking and not doing. It’s a slow process but getting back on your feet isn’t a quick thing. I have to realize where in my life I need improvement and….improve.
2015 for me, probably, will be a year that will push me to a limit. It’s sink or swim for me.
How was your Christmas and new year? I hope you did better than I did. I will be posting a lot more now that I am feeling better…
You can not understand how many times I have been unemployed, lost, and feeling like do do…
But not this time. I quit my job because I wasn’t going to work for a manager that talks shit behind my back. I’m bipolar, she just didn’t know…
Also, I hated HATED going into that job everyday. It was torturous to get up and pretend. I’m not a good pretender so it made my life really hard. Sometimes you have to worry about things like jobs, money, advancement, but for me right now it couldn’t be farther from my mind.
Right now I’m focusing on me and what the hell I want to do. My bipolar limits me to work at a conventionally setting without wanting to kill my coworkers and myself for longer than 4 months, so I have to find so,etching that is going to go along with my mind….
And the ride.
In other words, I’m okay and I’ll be okay.
How are you?
P.s. Thanks for all the Greta comments you are leaving me. Since I have no job please watch out for some crazy post… Literally.
I am sorry for the people lost in this tragic accident.
That being said, this is another example of how the media portrays mental illness. Tomorrow, everyone with a mental illness will be looked at in a different light by people who don’t have mental illness themselves. I not saying your mother, brother, wife, or child. I am talking about the “world” view.
I wish in cases like these, they tell you what mental illness is, how it can affect a person’s mind and life. I wish they would let us talk.
That is how I feel right now, and its 2 am in the morning. I know my period is coming at the end of the week, but for 2 week prior to this day, I HAVE BEEN A SUPER BITCH IRRITATED WRECKING BALL OF FLAMES!!!!!
Is this my period or my Bipolar?
I don’t want to be touch, or kissed, or even slept in the same bed with. I hate my job. I have no future. I feel so tired…
Hm… maybe it is my period. Maybe I’m just fussing about nothing and I should just relax, take a breath, and chill..
When I get called out, I become as if Medusa looked me in the eyes – stone. I become cold and mad. I don’t like to hear about my flaws, and what I do wrong. Not in a mania phase. They are always wrong, and I’m always right.
Maybe that’s why no one ever tells me the bad things about myself. They are afraid I might chop their heads off, Lucy Liu style.
The truth is I will.
For me, this isn’t something I want to do. This is the person I really am. My feelings over power me, and then you get this emotionless, vindictive person. This monster.
My fiance is right. I always want to blame someone for my flaws and mistakes. For my quitting my job over nothing, for my not being able to save money, for my not being able to finish anything I start. These are my flaws that I don’t want to own up too.
But, in my mind, I’m kind, understanding, proactive, and determined. I’m also skinned than what I am, and cooler. I believe people are waiting for me to make the first move. How can my mind lie to my reality. Is this why I’m unhappy?
I’m so unhappy.
How can I change my perception of a life that I’m not living, into the one I want. If you want to throw some encouragement my way, please! This alice is tired of falling down the fucking rabbit hole.
I really want to post things that irritated me today, but since I can never keep my focus on anything too long (a special BP quality that I have – like a super power, but not really) I will give my blog its first break…