Poll Please!

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Please comment with anything more that isn’t in the poll. I want to start doing more unique things for the Mental Health community and this is a start!

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Money is the ROOT of my illness. What’s new?

Money is the root of all evil. Money makes me feel shitty and inexperienced. It doesn’t help my mental illness either.. for example..

Today I had a new appointment with a therapist and I had to cancel and get it rescheduled for next month because my husband’s bank account got into the negative and we didn’t have money to restore it soooo my money had to go all to his account. I have to wait because of money…because my husband doesn’t know how to look at his account before he spends money…

I hate worrying where the next dollar is going from. Does this contribute to mental illness? Worrying? Being upset about how your getting it or keeping it.

Does anyone else STRESS about MONEY everyday?!!

Sex, if you’re there, say something!!!

I am going through something that has been bothering me for a looooonnnnggggg time.

Sex.

I am having so much trouble feeling sexually toward myself or my husband that I blame him for my problems. Last night we got into a fight because he told me that I never do anything sexually, and if I’m trying to change, then I have todo something…

Right now, I think sex is UGH UGH UGHHH! I don’t want anyone touching me, I don’t want to look at porn, anything sexually I don’t want it….right now.

I know stress and mental illness have me, but how can I at least feel something again. This is really stressing me out. I’m completely in a hole…

How do you overcome the mind to have sex???.?..

Or is that what this is?

I feel really guilty, but someone is blocking me so hard to actually do something about it. I don’t want to be in a stand still anymore. I hate this.

Its Beginning to Look A lot Like Anger

I have a problem. Anger. Anger steeps into me and fills me up into every little thing bothers me. I have to take a minute to myself to actually get right.

Is this normal? Does this happen to everyone?

When I get out of it, I feel bad for having to take that time for myself?

Why! I’m not this person…or am I? Should I just come clean to myself that I am an angry woman that needs frequent breaks from situations?

Or am I a caged bird. Still singing but so sad.

Depressed & Restless

I am feeling so depressed and restless.

I have reasons:

1. I got a job, but it turned out to be just part time when I thought it was going to be full time. I know I shouldn’t be depressed about that, but dddaaammmnnnitttt!!!!

2. I don’t have money to do anything. At all. I had to lie and cancel my therapist appt today because I didn’t have 25.00 to spare.

3. We have no heat in our house right now until after the weekend. So, we are pretty much sitting in front of heaters not moving. Its 48 degrees in my house right now, and tonight its going to snow. Booooooooo.

4. I still have NO IDEA what I am doing at any moment in my day, life, year, forever. Its really frustrating, but I’m still in such a rut.

I thought by not drinking or smoking and taking meds that I would finally understand what was going on with me and start to live, but lately all I have been doing is the waiting game. Also it doesn’t help that I got into another argument with my husband over something dumb last night. While I have to deal with me, I also have to mother him, which isn’t fair. Uugghhhh!!

I hate feeling like this.

Feeling worthless.

I am sitting alone in my house right now. Waiting. Waiting to understand how I got to here. I am feeling shitty, and out-of-place, in my own house.

My husband and I had an argument over money, which is probably normal, but what’s not normal is how I feel right now. One time today he told me if we broke up that he would he okay (life-wise/money-wise). Another time (during an argument) he told me that the money in the house was coming from him…and him only.

Both of which are true.

If we broke up, I would have no life. Nothing to call my mine, but the clothes on my back. I also don’t contribute to any of the bills. I sometimes buy food with the little paycheck I do get…once a month.

My mental illness has set me so far back, I feel like I have nothing of my own. I don’t have anything to say “I paid for that” or “I achieved this” in my life. It really sucks because before in my life I was the bread-winner. Ms. Independent. Now.. I’m mrs-got-nothing-at-all.

Mrs-what-the-hell-am-I-doing-at-all.

Finding a job is hard right now because I am waiting for my body to be clean of marijuana, and in my area there are no decent jobs. I have been on a couple of interviews, but I am not hopefully, at all. All I can think about when I think about employment is “Is my mind going to fuck this up again?”.

Now, my husband thinks I’m going to hold what he said over his head for life, but I’m not. I’m going to hold it over mine.

I feel like the biggest loser ever. I feel like I was never accomplish anything. I feel so shitty. I feel so broke down. I feel so unable.

Does your Spouse care? Mine…

Today is my week and 2 days not smoking. Its hard! Especially when your with friends that smoke. Last night was the biggest test for myself…and.

I PASSED!

No literally, I passed it around to someone else. Neither my husband or I lit up, which is a great feeling. I finally feel like I have a gasp on something. Well that all went way as soon as. I got home. My husband…

Sigh.

My husband isn’t a motivator or an acknowledger, will never be a motivator or an acknowledger, and I need to remember this from now on.

We got in a huge fight (which I will tell you I didn’t feel that angry about at all, and kind still don’t) about him not acknowledging me NOT smoking. We got into the car, and about 15 mins into going home I turn to him and say “good job on not smoking!”. He said thanks. I waited for him to say it back, but he didn’t. I then ask him if he was going to tell me it back and he BLOWS UP! Saying he was going to do it on his own time, and now it means nothing if he says it, and that I’m going to hold it over his head forever.

The funny thing is, I think he only got mad because he wasn’t going to say it at all. He wasn’t even thinking about saying it. The other day he even asks why I even keeping track of my non-smoking days..

I guess my challenges are not significant enough for him to acknowledge? Maybe I’m asking too much from him to say good job to me? Maybe he just doesn’t seem to notice how much good I’m doing for myself…but should he?

Should he motivate and encourage me through stuff that’s really my problem anyways?

After all was done, He got really really mad that I didn’t say good night to him before going to bed, but I told him that I would do it in my own time….like him…

How much are spouses suppose to care??

P.s.: HAPPY WEEK AND TWO DAYS TO ME! Feeling good!