What’s your drug of choice?

Pills, Cannabis, TV?

What’s your choice of drug to help you through your bipolar mess?

I’m not going to lie. I USE cannabis. I remember a time when I would smoke and all the crazy emotions inside me would shut up. I would go into this weird zone where I would feel good and cloudy all at the same time.

Now. I USEA Cannabis but a used rug. It doesn’t do anything for me anymore. I have medication for my mind but why can’t I let this old friend go then?

I still love the way it gets me out of my mind, relaxes me, and gives me something to do but other than that it’s a stagnant bunch of crap.

What choices are you trying to get away from that popped up for you in the beginning of your journey?

Bipolar Tunes

Sometimes SHIT comes around

And it knocks you down

Just get BACK UP

When it knocks you down

I know this isn’t a mental illness song but it’s lyrics can definitely used in how we feel about stuff. Love feels the same as pain, shame, hate, anger. It’s all feelings and they all knock us damn down sometimes.

Get back up.

Antidepressants for ALL!

People are so easy to share (with me, because my superpower is communication) that they were (KEYWORD!) on antidepressants but the got off of them.

I don’t know if I should complain that you told me and then quickly told me that you got off them OR be happy that you told me you were on antidepressants..

This all coming after I confessed that I’m feeling really depressed and that’s probably why I lost 30 pounds..

Does and has everyone taken antidepressants? And if so WHY ISN’T mental illnesses widely talked about and understand…ed?!

I’m not on antidepressants.

I should be.

I’m not on anything..(well)..but who am I to judge her anyway? Mental illness, whatever face and shape it takes, is real.

Maybe I’m just jealous she got OFF them when some people can never stop taking them, or can’t get them in he first place. ✌🏿

Oh geez, is that a rant?

I have tried to write a freakin blog post for about two days and I haven’t been able to.

I don’t want to keep writing about how much this sucks and I don’t want to start something and stop again. Mental illness is such a hard topic to blog about because when you are smack dab in the middle of it yourself, it gets lost.

I brought back my site address www.bipolarunemployedlost.com because I know people suffering in the now are still finding this site. Whether if it started about me, things have changed.

I again, I feel like shit. My mind is running. I got too much energy and give it away too quickly, leaving me with nothing. I feel hard and emotionless.

im everywhere but nothing is moving

What Medication??

so I totally forgot to take my mess for about 3 days!

I’m in New York doing an internship and there was just a slip of my mind. No it doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting to take it anymore, I seriously forgot.

I couldn’t sleep, I was feeling good but tired, a little little edgy, and it was because I totally forgot.

New York is great! I’m running around like a New Yorker, doing shows, learning, feeling like I’m actually helping out my boss, so I feel good!! She is super great but a little stand off ish. I think that just may be her way of dealing with assistants, but I’m trying to change that.

Anyways I got a great You’re Just Like Me coming next week and hopefully more updates on the blog.

But enough about me..

Hey YOU! You doing okay??

Quarterflash – Harden my Heart

I’m going to Harden my Heart

because this mental illness is making me feel really vulnerable and stupid.

I have been jamming to this song because it sums up exactly how I’m feeling..

Stop the Stigma

  

Disconnected DoDo

I’m feeling really disconnected from everything I’m doing and feeling. Dull.

I don’t really want to engaged with anything at the moment. May was super busy for and it looks like June is looking the same but still something is lacking its luster.

Even my blog is feeling dry and withered.

Can it be this medication I’m on? Did my illness at least make my days feel different because you never knew when I was going to be what I was going to be, whenever I was going to be it.  

Got that?

I just want to feel empowered, but that might be within and I’m just going to have to find it.

Man accused of destroying Ten Commandments monument talks about his mental illness

Man accused of destroying Ten Commandments monument talks about his mental illness

Man! This is why we need medicine, because our mental illnesses are out to get us. They wait until you feel better or feel as though you can have a handle, then BAM, your into a monument!

I hope this man get the help he needs but…wow!

😦

Mental Health First Aid program

Mental Health First Aid

Please check out this great article about the first class of Mental Health First Aid program!

When MUSIC ATTACKS!

This isn’t a bash Beyoncé post, because I love Beyoncé, but this is a post that is going to sound pretty weird…

I hate this song because I am NOT FLAWLESS. AT ALL.

I woke up like this:

 

Songs nowadays make you want to be this AWESOME I DON’T NEED NO ONE NOTHING IS EVER WRONG person, but the truth this…that is not the truth. I wake up hating life, hating my situation, looking horrible, but the songs right now aren’t on my level. How is this helping out our world when all anyone can think of is materialistic things?

Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I use these songs are ANTHEMS? How do you when you can’t relate..

One song I HATED was Pharrell’s Happy because I was never happy, and the damn song was everywhere!!

Are there any songs that you hate because they make you feel blah? Are there any that are your anthems?

Let’s Blog Action Day: October 16th, 2014

Sue from http://suesconsideredtrifles.wordpress.com/ made me aware of Blog Action Day this year and we’re just in time to sign up!

Blog Action Day is “is an free annual event, that has run since 2007. It’s aim is to unite the world’s bloggers by posting about the same issue, on the same day, in order to raise awareness and trigger a positive global discussion around an important issue that impacts us all, raises awareness or even funds for not-for-profits associated to the theme issue”

WHAT!!! This year’s topic is INEQUALITY! Let’s share our stories and voices about the inequality of mental health reform!

Sign up at: http://www.blogactionday.org and tell me if you do!

I Me Mine – The Beatles

This song really makes me think about I, Me, and… well.. MINE.

Isn’t that what everyone thinks about all the time? I think if you have a mental illness you think about yourself way more than others. This is because you always have to be “ahead of the game” when it comes to your illness. That is why they tell you to go help others or volunteer to get your mind off you… your mind.

Damn, all through the day… I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

HELLO MENTAL HEALTH MONTH!!!!

Today starts MENTAL HEALTH MONTH!!

This month try and tell someone about mental illness.

Share your experience with someone you know might be struggling.

Volunteer at a local hospital and help out other mental illness patients.

Tell someone that you love that you have a mental illness.

Start a mental health blog.

Raise money for your local NAMI chapter or another non-profit organization.

This month lets not just think about our problems, but the problems of all our brethren that is suffering. Sometimes to feel better is to help someone else feel better.

So, what can I do for a whole month to celebrate?? Any suggestions? What would you like to see on the B.U.L. Blog for MENTAL HEALTH MONTH!??!

Bipolar, Employed, and Hating it

Jobs are for brains that can make plans and stick with them. Jobs are for people who can go with the flow, and not just be pretending to.

My new job is working in retail. I am a visual merchandising assistant. I make a little above minimum wage, but that’s not the problem..

..the problem is that I work with young, backstabbing, vain, horrible, non professional people. These are the kind of people that make cliques and make everyone else who isn’t in it feel like outsiders. They are really fake and mean to people whom they don’t deem fashionable enough.

The other day I got sent in the office for a talk because I had ask for my boss’s boss opinion on a project I was doing. She helped me and was really okay about it, but then turned around and told my boss that I didn’t know what I was doing, and that he must not be training me right! She got all of that from me asking her advice! My bosses told me to never talk to her again because she just acts like that about everything. Basically, she is out to get me. THEN they told me that I need to calm down because I am just an assistant and that my enthusiasm was too much!!

Too much?? Too much?? If they only knew how much I needed and wanted a job! How much effort it takes me to keep something because of my mental illness! It shocked me!

Now, I’m sitting in-between a rock and a hard place because I need and like what I do, but the people are not my cup of tea.

How can I overcome this??