I am officially feeling better.

I feel happy and not depressed or angry.

BUT BUT BUT I want to make sure this isn’t my manic side and I’m really chemically changing mentally. I have another appointment this week to tell him how I’m doing on the medication. I don’t know what I will tell him other than the physical side.

but I want to tell you work is going well (it always does in the beginning), and I’m feeling good.

I hope you all are well. I have been thinking about my blog friends lately and just want to send love out to the Mental Health world!



This month try and tell someone about mental illness.

Share your experience with someone you know might be struggling.

Volunteer at a local hospital and help out other mental illness patients.

Tell someone that you love that you have a mental illness.

Start a mental health blog.

Raise money for your local NAMI chapter or another non-profit organization.

This month lets not just think about our problems, but the problems of all our brethren that is suffering. Sometimes to feel better is to help someone else feel better.

So, what can I do for a whole month to celebrate?? Any suggestions? What would you like to see on the B.U.L. Blog for MENTAL HEALTH MONTH!??!

What Dreams May Come

I will tell you that I am very into dreams. I remember every dream I have and believe they are really a window into my soul…literally.

In my dreams I always have some sort of conflict and I seem to always run away from them to save myself. I always tell my husband about my dreams and about a month ago he said “you seem to be always running away in your dream. you never confront anything”. He was right. In my dreams I am a meek and unresolved woman just trying to survive. I have never had a dream where I actually stood and fought my ground.

Well last night changed that, and I woke up feeling like a fighter! In my dream I actually had a fight, and I beat someone up. In the dream I warned the person a couple of times to leave me alone, and when they didn’t I attacked, and won!

Last night I hung out with friends, and I told them that I probably could not make an annual trip that we all do in May for Memorial Day. I now work in retail and there are “blackout” days in which I HAVE to work. My friends told me that I didn’t need the job, and I could find something better paying, and that I should make up something to get off..

As you all know I NEED a job. Not just for money, but for my well-being. I like to feel like I’m doing something productive with my life. So when my friends told me that it made me feel pulled – do I ditch my job for a weekend of drinking, smoking, and good times or do I do the responsible thing for my mental state and life???

This might sound silly, but after waking up from my dream I felt stronger. I felt…different.

My husband brought it up again to me this morning about my trying to tell my job some bullshit that weekend to get off, but I told him NO. I will not sacrifice my job and health for a weekend of partying. Although it might be the best weekend ever, I will not put my life on hold anymore. I will be an adult and DO WHAT I NEED TO DO BEFORE I DO WHAT I WANT TO DO(something my mother instilled in me very harshly as a teen)

Right now, I feel empowered and strong. I now know what it feel like to stick to your guns. My dream helped me with that…really!

So I guess the moral to this post FOR ME is to stick to your guns OhTemp and never again let people make you try to do something you know will hurt you in the end. I feel like something might be turning around.

Everything will be fine

I keep telling myself that.

Not everything happens on my own time and that’s it. Finding a job has been a letdown enough. I can’t keep having this blah attitude.

Its happy or die.
Laugh or drown
Relax or fail

I’ve started working out alot to keep my mind in check. I have started smoking and drinking again, which isn’t good for me, but its only social times. I’m not drinking by myself…yet.

There is a million things right now I can be sad about, but I will not let my mind get this way. I will be strong for myself.

For all of us.