fiance

When I get called out about myself, its bad.

When I get called out, I become as if Medusa looked me in the eyes – stone. I become cold and mad. I don’t like to hear about my flaws, and what I do wrong. Not in a mania phase. They are always wrong, and I’m always right.
Maybe that’s why no one ever tells me the bad things about myself. They are afraid I might chop their heads off, Lucy Liu style.

The truth is I will.

For me, this isn’t something I want to do. This is the person I really am. My feelings over power me, and then you get this emotionless, vindictive person. This monster.

My fiance is right. I always want to blame someone for my flaws and mistakes. For my quitting my job over nothing, for my not being able to save money, for my not being able to finish anything I start. These are my flaws that I don’t want to own up too.

But, in my mind, I’m kind, understanding, proactive, and determined. I’m also skinned than what I am, and cooler. I believe people are waiting for me to make the first move. How can my mind lie to my reality. Is this why I’m unhappy?

I’m so unhappy.

How can I change my perception of a life that I’m not living, into the one I want. If you want to throw some encouragement my way, please! This alice is tired of falling down the fucking rabbit hole.

Tick, tock

Posted from a woman on the go