Now.

I feel weirder than ever.

I’m tired but yet hype

I’m thinking about things that need to be done, then switching it, switching, forgetting about the it, coming back to it.

I’m feeling my weight loss and I feel like I’m feeling myself too much. Time to get out of control.

I’m doing things I should NOT be doing.

I’m just tired y’all.

A lot of periods no commas.

Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.

PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.

Shit has HIT the fan. Again.

Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?

I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.

I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.

Now.

I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.

I’m tired and pissed that I am doing this again.

Bipolar,Unemployed & Lost

what a blog.

what a cool tool for myself and people out there to read and relate. I still get emails asking me to help spread the word and bring people to resources and help and hope.

ugh.

where did the time go?

I don’t want to let anyone down but would I be right to say I don’t have the time to continue this blog? Would I be wrong to say I can’t?

 

so

i told my son tonight that i wont be like my mother. i wont tell him im going to stop and not stop. drug aren’t good for me. not good for my son…

no hard drugs – pleeaassseee but marijuana. im still using this drug mindlessly becsuse i think i need it. i dont need it anymore. i dont need my mind to float i need it to stay and look at my son.

look at my life.

i have been feeling really powerless lately. been crying and laughing really weirdly.

how did i end up exactly at the same spot i was?

because i never really did shit.

 

hello again. my name is OHTEMP, and this is Bipolar, Employed & STILL LOST.

Rolling on the River – Tina Turner

I am rolling! Rolling on the river of SUCKY people around me.

I rolling around wondering that since I don’t really horrible anymore, everyone else is..

People, big wheels keep on turning, and so does problem and this wave that is coming at you.

Just roll..

 

p.s. i’m sorry i’m so dark, but shit, you should see what’s going on on the other side of the screen…love you all though. hope your well and your mind hasn’t gotten the best of you. fight. fight. fight

LINK: Lawyer: Vallejo kidnapping suspect Matthew Muller suffers from bipolar disorder

http://kron4.com/2015/07/17/lawyer-vallejo-kidnapping-suspect-matthew-muller-suffers-from-bipolar-disorder/
So if you have a mental illness, go out and kill someone, your lawyer will use that in your defense!

Come on!!

This is why mental illness is such a horrible thing in the eyes of the world. People shouldn’t use that as a defense and if it true and that’s why you killed people…then you don’t need a lawyer, you need help.

Good old fashion H E L P

Good luck, solider l!

This is normal, right?!

i just read somewhere that having anger or sad feelings are a normal part of life and that having them shouldn’t make you feel so extreme because they are there and will always be there! You also shouldn’t worry about getting rid of them because they are a normal part of the brain and life.

Follow me?!?

Maybe My brain is telling me something is coming? Or that something needs to be done. It is right! Something need to be done but not with my feelings, with my life. I don’t know how I’m going to do it but my anger has to be a sign for something inside or out of myself.

I wonder if my mediciation has changed my anger in anyway?

I’m thinking about stopping it…

Hmmm…

Anger is back

I’ve been having horrible anger issues lately. My period is coming and it always makes me a difficult person to be around but this time I feel like it is something more!

I feel trapped in my own life. It sucks just to do normal things. That and I am not smoking.

So period, feeling trapped, and not smoking has made me into a very violent extreme person. It doesn’t help that I am with someone who never recognizes the signs and feeds into it every time. I love him but it sucks that he really doesn’t understand and it’s kind of out of sign out of mind with him.

I just need to get some excitement back into my life…

I need to get my life together

Mr. Mental Illness

There is a man that comes into my job purposely to get angry at us. I know this because I was warned of him before I even started working.

Mental Illness is at play, I think.

No one comes into someone job to be angry or nasty to others.. I just don’t think that is normal. Or maybe it is..

All I know is that this man has no regard for us or what we do for him.

Now… What am I suppose to do when I see him knowing that mental illness is at play? I’m an mental illness advocate but you can’t just come with ‘hi! Do you have a mental illness? I’ve noticed that you are angry like I was. Do you need help’

Nope. No. No way

Sitting back and watching is the worst.

Disconnected DoDo

I’m feeling really disconnected from everything I’m doing and feeling. Dull.

I don’t really want to engaged with anything at the moment. May was super busy for and it looks like June is looking the same but still something is lacking its luster.

Even my blog is feeling dry and withered.

Can it be this medication I’m on? Did my illness at least make my days feel different because you never knew when I was going to be what I was going to be, whenever I was going to be it.  

Got that?

I just want to feel empowered, but that might be within and I’m just going to have to find it.

Mental Health Month Alert!: STIGMA SHIRTS

I’ve been thinking of a way to give back to mental illness organizations and to help fund a little to the BUL blog, so I can start doing more for our mental health community and well…

I’ve made T-shirts!

1bulblogshirt

The shirts are going to 20.00 and half the proceeds will go to the charity of YOUR choose-voting style! I’m going to start selling them starting now until the end of August. If there enough people that want them, I will continue to sell them. I’m really excited to be selling something cool, that spreads a message, and you can use as a bed shirt if you want and know your sleeping with a good cause!

The shirts read KNOCK OUT STIGMA AND MEANIES

If your interested in a shirt email bipolarunemployedlost@gmail.com