Shit has HIT the fan. Again.

Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?

I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.

I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.

Now.

I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.

I’m tired and pissed that I am doing this again.

….and you ask yourself: “how did I get here??

Writing is so hard when your feeling good. Nothing comes to you as freely as it did. Now, i’m looking at a keyboard
thinking of thing to write about.

Has my mental illness journey finally stop? I mean they do say, “all good things come to an end”, but I have
something that is helping my mood and stabling my life as much as it can. Shouldn’t I have more information and Ideas to venture??

They never tell you what happens after the storm.

So now, I’m sitting here, typing an excuse of why I don’t have an elaborate, cool, funny entry to give and asking myself:

What Now?

and did I ever have elaborate, cool, funny entries? I mean…

ANGER, WILL ROBINSON! ANGER!

Yup! It’s creeping on me yet again..

I don’t know why but lately I’ve been hating everything and every one. It sucks. Work has been hard because I hate my co workers. Home has been hard because I hate my husband and my cats. The internet sucks because I hate writing and everything media related.

Yeah, its been THAT KIND of anger and I don’t know how to shake it.

I need mediation, a spell, a serum or a wish because this anger might be here for the long run.

but… its also the Mercury Retrograde happening, and that isn’t good.

There is a lot going on and I can’t seem to control anything.

Yuck…

But for how long..

I’m having a hard time finding the time to write and the material to write.

My brain is feeling fine. My emotions are in check, but what is going on.. where am I? I thought once you find the “right” dose your suppose to be right back at where you was. Where “was” I? Who was I before mental illness knocked me on my ass and made me into who I am today.

I think my husband is having a hard time with the semi-restricted me. I go to bed the same time every night, i’m saving money, not spending every cent I have. Things are changing inside and out

but for how long?…

If I can Learn To Do It! You Can Learn To Do It!

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-china-29455207

GOOOO HONG KONG! Fight for your voice!

If they can learn to speak up for their voice, Mental Illness advocates and sufferers should too.

Spread the message today of hope.

Get out of the house, and help someone.

Blog your feelings, don’t let them inside.

Someone else might stumble across then.

Get Mentally involved in the News! Thinking about others and finding solutions is what we need. Not another black rain cloud

P.S.

I couldn’t help myself..

I Me Mine – The Beatles

This song really makes me think about I, Me, and… well.. MINE.

Isn’t that what everyone thinks about all the time? I think if you have a mental illness you think about yourself way more than others. This is because you always have to be “ahead of the game” when it comes to your illness. That is why they tell you to go help others or volunteer to get your mind off you… your mind.

Damn, all through the day… I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

Double Agent

I know people with mental illness have to act like double agents everyday, but lately I have been feeling more and more unknown to myself.

everyday I wake up not knowing who I am and what I might do today. This morning, I woke up and decided that I didn’t want to go to work, so I smoked, call my job, and went back to bed. I woke up 3 hours later really kicking myself in the ass for not going.

What is going on with me? Sometimes I’m looking out through eyes that might not be mines.

Am I still going through a rebellious period? Do I have nothing to work and strive for?

Has anyone felt this way? Is it my addiction or my mental illness?

Anderson takes part in an experiment to help understand how people live with mental illness

Anderson takes part in an experiment to help understand how people live with mental illness

So glad that people in the public are trying to help out mental illness patients, but I think we may need someone who has a little more IT factor for it to be listened to…

How about Oprah?
Lebron James?
JESUS?

Thanks Anderson for bringing more light on such a dark subject!

Seattle shooting suspect treated for mental illness, attorney says

Seattle shooting suspect treated for mental illness, attorney says

“The suspect in the Thursday shootings at Seattle Pacific University has been treated in recent years for a “long-standing mental illness,” which his attorney said might have prompted the deadly assault inside an engineering building at the small Christian campus.”

Oh really… you don’t say.

It seems like our brethren doesn’t know how to yell out for help. Or maybe the people around them are denying them help. I don’t know what’s going on but I know that there needs to be a way for them to yell out before hurting someone…

 

or maybe they have been yelling for help, but no one is listening…