Ugh

Today I am feeling really shitty because of some family issues I just found out.

I’m moody, a bitch, and tired all day long.

I think this is what you call normal for me now.

Antidepressants for ALL!

People are so easy to share (with me, because my superpower is communication) that they were (KEYWORD!) on antidepressants but the got off of them.

I don’t know if I should complain that you told me and then quickly told me that you got off them OR be happy that you told me you were on antidepressants..

This all coming after I confessed that I’m feeling really depressed and that’s probably why I lost 30 pounds..

Does and has everyone taken antidepressants? And if so WHY ISN’T mental illnesses widely talked about and understand…ed?!

I’m not on antidepressants.

I should be.

I’m not on anything..(well)..but who am I to judge her anyway? Mental illness, whatever face and shape it takes, is real.

Maybe I’m just jealous she got OFF them when some people can never stop taking them, or can’t get them in he first place. ✌🏿

Now.

I feel weirder than ever.

I’m tired but yet hype

I’m thinking about things that need to be done, then switching it, switching, forgetting about the it, coming back to it.

I’m feeling my weight loss and I feel like I’m feeling myself too much. Time to get out of control.

I’m doing things I should NOT be doing.

I’m just tired y’all.

A lot of periods no commas.

Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.

PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.

Shit has HIT the fan. Again.

Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?

I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.

I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.

Now.

I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.

I’m tired and pissed that I am doing this again.

What Medication??

so I totally forgot to take my mess for about 3 days!

I’m in New York doing an internship and there was just a slip of my mind. No it doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting to take it anymore, I seriously forgot.

I couldn’t sleep, I was feeling good but tired, a little little edgy, and it was because I totally forgot.

New York is great! I’m running around like a New Yorker, doing shows, learning, feeling like I’m actually helping out my boss, so I feel good!! She is super great but a little stand off ish. I think that just may be her way of dealing with assistants, but I’m trying to change that.

Anyways I got a great You’re Just Like Me coming next week and hopefully more updates on the blog.

But enough about me..

Hey YOU! You doing okay??

This is normal, right?!

i just read somewhere that having anger or sad feelings are a normal part of life and that having them shouldn’t make you feel so extreme because they are there and will always be there! You also shouldn’t worry about getting rid of them because they are a normal part of the brain and life.

Follow me?!?

Maybe My brain is telling me something is coming? Or that something needs to be done. It is right! Something need to be done but not with my feelings, with my life. I don’t know how I’m going to do it but my anger has to be a sign for something inside or out of myself.

I wonder if my mediciation has changed my anger in anyway?

I’m thinking about stopping it…

Hmmm…

….and you ask yourself: “how did I get here??

Writing is so hard when your feeling good. Nothing comes to you as freely as it did. Now, i’m looking at a keyboard
thinking of thing to write about.

Has my mental illness journey finally stop? I mean they do say, “all good things come to an end”, but I have
something that is helping my mood and stabling my life as much as it can. Shouldn’t I have more information and Ideas to venture??

They never tell you what happens after the storm.

So now, I’m sitting here, typing an excuse of why I don’t have an elaborate, cool, funny entry to give and asking myself:

What Now?

and did I ever have elaborate, cool, funny entries? I mean…

ANGER, WILL ROBINSON! ANGER!

Yup! It’s creeping on me yet again..

I don’t know why but lately I’ve been hating everything and every one. It sucks. Work has been hard because I hate my co workers. Home has been hard because I hate my husband and my cats. The internet sucks because I hate writing and everything media related.

Yeah, its been THAT KIND of anger and I don’t know how to shake it.

I need mediation, a spell, a serum or a wish because this anger might be here for the long run.

but… its also the Mercury Retrograde happening, and that isn’t good.

There is a lot going on and I can’t seem to control anything.

Yuck…