Have you taken a mental note on how you are feeling for real?
Are you angry? Sad? Jealous? Nervous? Why? For no reason? Yeah, I understand you.
This Bipolar thing is hard. Emotions pop up on you for nothing, making you feel shit, then spiraling your day into mess.
Medicine m? A good doctor? Observation. I have NO IDEA! That is a journey for you friend but KNOW that whatever you are feeling right now will pass, like shit through the body. It will go and come like a river, just keep paddling bro.
Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.
PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.
Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?
I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.
I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.
I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.