What’s your drug of choice?

Pills, Cannabis, TV?

What’s your choice of drug to help you through your bipolar mess?

I’m not going to lie. I USE cannabis. I remember a time when I would smoke and all the crazy emotions inside me would shut up. I would go into this weird zone where I would feel good and cloudy all at the same time.

Now. I USEA Cannabis but a used rug. It doesn’t do anything for me anymore. I have medication for my mind but why can’t I let this old friend go then?

I still love the way it gets me out of my mind, relaxes me, and gives me something to do but other than that it’s a stagnant bunch of crap.

What choices are you trying to get away from that popped up for you in the beginning of your journey?


What are YOOUU doing up?

Me? Once I wake up for my son, I’m up for 2 hours. My mind is running about everything that has ever happened to me.


Although I’ve always been a night owl. Nighttime is peaceful and quiet, but my life and priorities have changed. I’m the same mentally illed lady just world shift.

Any else trying to hold on to bad habits but know your lifestyle has changed. Congrats! I’m you…only more depressed.


Talk About Your Medicines Month with The American Recall Center


Let’s talk about medicine. Medicine for mental illness sufferers is MUST-NEEDED, but so hard to stick with. If your anything like me you are trying everything not to be held down to medication, but unfortunately with my ailment medication will probably knock it right out the park..

So what’s my problem?

Let’s back up a little into the past and find out why I’m running like FLO-JO. My mother has a mental illness also, actually more than one, and she had to start taking a cocktail of medications (shaken, not stirred. I’m sorry, I had to)  just so she could function normally. That was scary to watch because my mother came from strong, independent woman to dependent helpless woman. Meds for me were the enemy instead of the answer. My mother is MUCH MUCH better and doesn’t really need the cocktail anymore, but I’m scared that I’m next.

In my life I have taken (in this order):





These medications have changed my face when it comes to my mental illness.  Paxil was the first of my four and definitely my yuckiest. It made me feel blah all the time. Also, my sex drive totally got into the RIGHT LANE and became non-existent.

Seroquel just made me go to sleep and not have much time for anger or depression…I was TOO TIRED to move! I love getting caught up on my sleep (My skin looked great because of the extra hours sleeping) but I also love to live my life!

Wellbutrin! THE BEST EVER for me! I felt so good, I was upbeat, I made schedules and STUCK TO THEM! I was happy and in a good mood every single second of the day. I didn’t feel depressed, heck, I didn’t even know what they was on this med. UNFORTUNATELY the best things for you are the worst in other ways. This medication made me have the worst headaches after a little while taken it, so I had to stop. BOOOOOOOOOOO to my head for having a mental illness and not liking good drugs!

Now, I am a Prozac girl. It helps me feel less depressed and clear headed. So why don’t I take it regularly?…because I’m stupid and can’t get my mother out of my head…

I went in such detail about my medications because I know there are people out there feeling the same as me. They don’t want to be dope up on anything, they want to live meds-free and just deal. My answer to that is UMMMM… do what you want, but just remember that there are things out there to back you up if you need them. Don’t take medication JUST BECAUSE. Research about the medications, get a doctor and talk to them, talk to someone who is taking them, troll the web about the medications and see what other say about it.


  • Medicines are NOT cures
  • Every medicine has its risks and benefits
  • It can take time to feel better

I can’t tell you how to live life, I can’t even follow my own advice, but I know for a fact that without medication my mother would not be here today. Medication will probably make a HUGE difference in my life and the lives of mental illness sufferers.

Taking it… now that’s a WHOLE another blog post.

Good luck to friends!

Visit The American Recall Center to learn more about medication recall updates within the medical community. They have built a comprehensive resource online for timely and trusted materials regarding healthcare topics. Also visit them THIS MONTH for more bloggers experiences about medication advice!


Is it Bipolar or Depression? New Brain Scan May Have the Answer

Is it Bipolar or Depression? New Brain Scan May Have the Answer

So… “A new type of brain scan that measures blood flow in the brain may be able to help better diagnose bipolar disorder at an early stage and further distinguish the disorder from depression, according to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh.”

How awesome, but HOW SCARY. Do you really think this can happen, and if they can tell now, what else can they tell…?

Stigma Be Gone.

I wish there were commercials like this everywhere! If there were commercials like this in the U.S., I think people wouldn’t have a problem talking about it. Can you imagine having a mental illness and you can go out with your friends and discuss it openly, freely. The worst part about the stigma is that I have to pretend to be someone when I’m not. I have to pretend to be happy and fun, when all I want to do it cry and hide. This is the beginning of a movement, to let people know its okay to have this or that. It’s okay. Pass this along! Thanks Depressed Pessimist.

I hate Celebrities, but can I have your autograph?!

Celebrities stink!

I hate watching American Idols, and America’s got Talent, or anything where people are showing off something unique about themselves. You know why? I’m jealous.

There I said:       I ‘ M J E A L O U S ! ! !

I’m jealous because these people have found something that they really enjoy, and can do well. They found a part of themselves, went out, showed it to the world, and BOOM they are superstars. I wish I could produce a cat out of my ass, or dance like Beyonce, but really I don’t have a talent that I can show the world and become something great.

I am a Leo, and Leos are born to be in the spotlight. Every one of those horoscope books tell you that Leos are people creatures. We crave attention, and are natural born leaders. This I can not deny. I love going to parties and meeting everyone there. I love singing karaoke in a packed bar. There are loads of Leos in entertainment and politics in our world that do amazing things. Hell, President Obama and I have the same birthdayWhere is my glory? Where is my television show, and E! Special? Giuliana, i’m here!

The point to all this is, a trigger of of mine are celebrities, and I can’t seem to get away. I will be honest, I go on gossip sites and watch E! news, but only to see if their lives are crumbling around them, like mine.

HA HA! So your getting a divorce? Wonderful!

Oh, your coming out saying your losing all your money! Welcome to the pain! Party of YOU!

I know it horrible, but I like to hear of others in pain, because i’m in pain. This doesn’t work on my friends. If they are in trouble, or pain, I feel pain, and try to help them as best as I can. It’s only to people that I’m not close to that I want them to hurt. I’m sorry if this backs people away from this blog or my life, but I don’t know if this aspect is me, or the BP.

I should be encouraged to want to follow into someone who has great footsteps, but i don’t. I’ve never have a role model, other than my mom, and she’s more crazy than me. Should I never watch TV or read the news at all? Am I really selfish?

I don’t want to watch tv and get angry at people who I don’t know if they struggled to get  to that point. I don’t want to feel hate. Are you celeb-hating? Is there a club out there for us?!

There’s a lot of I’s in disappointment..

I’m getting angry.

I can feel myself start to lose it inside. That means the next person that talks to me will probably get RAMBO-ed! Slicing and dicing their HEADS off. For what? Why am I so angry right now? Because, I can’t predict what’s coming at me next. Silly, I know, but I can’t help getting angry at things that I thought were going to work out.

Example. Today I received a call from an employer, who wanted to discuss a position and my qualifications. I listened to the voice mail, and got up with a little hop in my step. I was stoked that a job called and wanted to know more about me. In my mind, this time next week, I would be settling into a new awesome job, making money for things to come, making new work friends, the whole nine.

Not. They told me a little about the position, and it was identical to the same position that I quit. Something I can’t do…something I don’t want to do. Right after that, a friend who was suppose be coming and picking me up to a lunch/hang out date, ditched me for another friend. Sacre Bleu!

Does this sound like pre-school kid problems? “My friend didn’t pick me up – I don’t like her no more” or “The job wasn’t for me – Now i’m going to cry”.  They probably are but for me, these are things I let ruin my day even before it started.

My BP mind doesn’t seem to let things go, but BLOW them out of proportions  Those things could be ant-holes, but I let them grow into MOUNDS. I just don’t like to be let down. I don’t want my ideas to get blown up and dragged through the mud. 

Right now, I’m sitting here watching the President’s Inauguration lunch (which makes me ask: why are they filming this lunch live?) and wondering, how many of these people have gone through upsets, but keep the ball rolling? How do great people survive disappointment? Failure? Bombs?..well not bombs…

To the BP, failure and disappointment are all the same. Does your BP do this?