What’s your choice of drug to help you through your bipolar mess?
I’m not going to lie. I USE cannabis. I remember a time when I would smoke and all the crazy emotions inside me would shut up. I would go into this weird zone where I would feel good and cloudy all at the same time.
Now. I USEA Cannabis but a used rug. It doesn’t do anything for me anymore. I have medication for my mind but why can’t I let this old friend go then?
I still love the way it gets me out of my mind, relaxes me, and gives me something to do but other than that it’s a stagnant bunch of crap.
What choices are you trying to get away from that popped up for you in the beginning of your journey?
I recently got back into magazines and got a subscription to People.
Every week in People there is a real story about a real tragedy that always involves Mental Illness.
Instead of talking about Mental Illness and signs to help loved ones (so you dont tragically end of like that) they talk about why you wear orange…for Gun violence.
Gun violence? This man was going through severe depression and shoots himself and you blame the gun? You said before that your dad bought the gun he was okay. (or was he?) Something happened to make him not okay
It wasn’t the gun. Gun violence is horrible though but it is it just the problem.
I think if we focus more on the root of the tree, we could get to why the branches we acting crazy..
I really don’t feel like paying a person to talk to them about my past and see what the issues are, so I guess I’d rather do it myself.
For free. Badly.
I’ve been thinking about the times in the past that I have been happy. The 90s were an easier and happier time for me. Meeting my husband and moving out of my Nana House was happy. When I was doing magazine stuff and going out and talking to people made me happy.
I’m trying to understand my horrible depressed moody mind so I don’t fall in the same old trips.
Here I am again. Here I am again. Writing on the stupid blog because my fucking brain doesn’t want to cooperate anymore. This is stupid. And everywhere I freaking look there wants to be someone who has killed themselves over mental illness. That has stabbed their children. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know if the universe is telling me to go stab my child and husband. Or I kill myself. I know it’s not saying that. But what the fuck. I am going crazy and I don’t know how to stop this roller coaster.
PS. I’m not gonna kill my husband child but God dammit.
Why is it…every holiday…I go crazy? Just really insane?
I get really angry and shitty to my family. I withdrew from the world just to pop back into it tomorrow at work.
I am getting tired of exchanging my happiness for this stupid disease. This thing that had a hold on me since the beginning of this blog to now.
I thought I’ve moved on. I thought I could carry on with my life thinking it was just a sad phase. Now that there is a little me in the world and this thing keep popping it’s head up…I have to think that this is forever. Completely. 100%.