Break Free – Ariana Grande ft. Zedd

I am trying to BREAK FREE from all the negative thinking I have going on.

BREAK FREE from smoking

BREAK FREE from feeling blah everyday

I’M STRONGER THAN I’VE BEEN BEFORE!

Like Waves

In the last two days, there has been issues that have arisen around me that I can honestly say hasn’t affected me in the least.

It has been like waves rolling off my back and behind me. Is this me? Is this the meds? Have I finally understood the quote:

“Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn’t measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.”
― C. JoyBell C

It seems like everything and everyone is trying to get a rise out of me, but every time something happens I hear ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar‘, and I shrug it off. Actually, I feel too tired to fight really. All my energy from being angrymadsad are lost. Lately I feel more like a robot. Sleep. Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

Aaliyah – Try Again

I am TOTALLY feeling this way right now.

I have overcome a situation that I been dreading for a while. It failed, but I tried and presented it in a different way, and I got results. Quickly! I’m really glad that I didn’t stop planning and walk away. I know understands what this songs really means. This is what it must feel like for people who aren’t faking this, because ultimately, isn’t taking medicine faking?

another time maybe. enjoy.

Enya – May It Be

This song is so good. So powerful. So calming and…well sad.
It always puts me to sleep (because its soothing, not because it sucks) and I totally enjoy Enya when I am feeling angry or ugh. Please listen to this song if your feeling rage or out of control and Enya will put jt down.

Don’t listen if your feeling really sad because she has a tendency to make it not better. Enya just has that voice, like Kenny G has that instrument. Its just get to your soul..

What Dreams May Come

I will tell you that I am very into dreams. I remember every dream I have and believe they are really a window into my soul…literally.

In my dreams I always have some sort of conflict and I seem to always run away from them to save myself. I always tell my husband about my dreams and about a month ago he said “you seem to be always running away in your dream. you never confront anything”. He was right. In my dreams I am a meek and unresolved woman just trying to survive. I have never had a dream where I actually stood and fought my ground.

Well last night changed that, and I woke up feeling like a fighter! In my dream I actually had a fight, and I beat someone up. In the dream I warned the person a couple of times to leave me alone, and when they didn’t I attacked, and won!

Last night I hung out with friends, and I told them that I probably could not make an annual trip that we all do in May for Memorial Day. I now work in retail and there are “blackout” days in which I HAVE to work. My friends told me that I didn’t need the job, and I could find something better paying, and that I should make up something to get off..

As you all know I NEED a job. Not just for money, but for my well-being. I like to feel like I’m doing something productive with my life. So when my friends told me that it made me feel pulled – do I ditch my job for a weekend of drinking, smoking, and good times or do I do the responsible thing for my mental state and life???

This might sound silly, but after waking up from my dream I felt stronger. I felt…different.

My husband brought it up again to me this morning about my trying to tell my job some bullshit that weekend to get off, but I told him NO. I will not sacrifice my job and health for a weekend of partying. Although it might be the best weekend ever, I will not put my life on hold anymore. I will be an adult and DO WHAT I NEED TO DO BEFORE I DO WHAT I WANT TO DO(something my mother instilled in me very harshly as a teen)

Right now, I feel empowered and strong. I now know what it feel like to stick to your guns. My dream helped me with that…really!

So I guess the moral to this post FOR ME is to stick to your guns OhTemp and never again let people make you try to do something you know will hurt you in the end. I feel like something might be turning around.