Internship over and I’m okay!

I worked so hard that my boss was impressed with me and even gave me a gift basket at the end with really good goodies. 

I rocked it. And I took my medicine the whole time.

I could see that the city was getting to me. Mentally and psychically. I was getting irritated and just down the right not in a good mood the last few days. I don’t like feeling like that so I know it’s my environment that helps as well.

I will be going back in February and I’m really excited to be asked to. I’ll just make sure to know how to take care of myself and to make sure to take my medicine the whole time.

I’m back!!!

Here I am.

I’m still alive. I’m sorry for such a long hiatus, but the holiday is always a bad time for me. I hate/love the holidays because my family is around, but the holidays have a way of making you feel less than great when you can’t give anyone anything and you feel shitty inside.

I don’t have any resolutions for the new year. Maybe just to get my life together. I have wasted so much time on just thinking and not doing. It’s a slow process but getting back on your feet isn’t a quick thing. I have to realize where in my life I need improvement and….improve.

2015 for me, probably, will be a year that will push me to a limit. It’s sink or swim for me.

How was your Christmas and new year? I hope you did better than I did. I will be posting a lot more now that I am feeling better…

Aaliyah – Try Again

I am TOTALLY feeling this way right now.

I have overcome a situation that I been dreading for a while. It failed, but I tried and presented it in a different way, and I got results. Quickly! I’m really glad that I didn’t stop planning and walk away. I know understands what this songs really means. This is what it must feel like for people who aren’t faking this, because ultimately, isn’t taking medicine faking?

another time maybe. enjoy.

Pulled, like a string.

Right now, I’m feeling mixed. There is nothing really wrong me with, but there is. I feel pulled in two different directions with my mind.

I didn’t start feeling like this until later on in the day, after I got some errands ran. Afterwards, I felt ugh and low, but not depressed. Not until my husband came home from work did I really start to feel bad. He came in in a rare mood – he was irritable and moody, but made my mood worse. He just doesn’t understand what its like for me, to deal with this everyday. I try to tell him how I feel, but every time I do he stops me and says ‘Oh, I know what your going to say’ and ‘You always say this when you get depressed’. Soon, there might not be ME to talk to you. I might actually lose it and then what…

How can I stop this heavy blanket of shit from falling all over me. I tried to so mindfulness. I tried to focus my thoughts onto something else, but got pulled under before it even made a different.

Anger, depression, sadness, feeling like I HAVE to be doing something more. All of these feelings run through me 24/7. I wake up because of it. I get high because of it. I blog because of it. It seems like the only real thing I have are these feelings..

the only real thing..