Hello..is it me your looking for??

Yes world. I am still here. Still kicking. Still depressed. Still pregnant. Still all of the above.

Difference is I’m mending better because I have a really good therapist that I like and I moving my job to night shifts.

This pregnancy has me down a lot maybe because of all the extra hormones I’m feeling but I’m just not that happy about it.

Nothing has changed and everything is still the same. I haven’t been writing because I just haven’t felt the need to write anything anymore. Also some jerk face book my URL so it really sucks to write something when your website has been stolen. 

I’m really trying to be more proficient in all areas of my life but I feel just the same. 

I move my job tonight shifts because I really started hating the customers that came into the job in the morning. I can’t handle mornings anyway so having this baby inside me, getting up early, having to deal with people in their stupid drinks, really set me off. I know it’s horrible because these people are just going about their day normally but for me it is such a  pain in the ass hole. 

Maybe one day I’ll be better at customer service, maybe not, but until then I have to slow down and figure out what the hell is going on with me for real. 

I hope you are doing well and no one is hurt themselves or made themselves feel down more than usual. I hope I can reconnect with the word press world and just become a better person because of it.

2016 please come now!

my holiday was bad. really bad.

my family made me feel like shit this Christmas, in turn, making me feel like shit the whole weekend. I spent my weekend locked up in my house, on the couch, alone. I didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, hang out, nothing..

i feel bad because i feel like i ruined Christmas but the people around me didn’t care about my feelings at all so my holiday was ruined.

ugh to the people around me.

ugh to the holidays.

ugh to myself for not getting up and leaving this place when i could.

Under construction..maybe

I have decided to not say anything until 2016. I have let my blog sit way to long without any love or words. Its my fault. I’m so wrapped up in bullshit I don’t see the light, hell the tunnel for that case.

Please be patient and stick around if you want. I promise I’ll make things better.

This blog can help so many, but i’m letting it slip…

 

ps. someone STOLE my URL so stay tuned for that as well

 

Rolling on the River – Tina Turner

I am rolling! Rolling on the river of SUCKY people around me.

I rolling around wondering that since I don’t really horrible anymore, everyone else is..

People, big wheels keep on turning, and so does problem and this wave that is coming at you.

Just roll..

 

p.s. i’m sorry i’m so dark, but shit, you should see what’s going on on the other side of the screen…love you all though. hope your well and your mind hasn’t gotten the best of you. fight. fight. fight

Dangerous Thoughts 

I am that thinking horrible thoughts. Not like I want to kill myself or other. They are thoughts about something I not really ready to tell anyone about. They are new and I don’t really want to give them any room to grow.

They are kind of dangerous.

I will tell you that they stem from something that has already happened..and I’m afriad will happen again.

I know what thoughts like this can do and I’m not letting them get to me. We have to push through and overcome.

Dangerous thoughts you can overcome.

What’s up Doc!?

Made an appointment and still going strong on meds.

What am I to say when I go? I really want to be off but on the other hand your comments have made me feel like I need to stay…

Thanks for that again. Its just when your feeling good everything changes.

Ps.. What am I doing with this blog! I’m thinking of… No let me not say just yet.

How are you feeling??

Internship over and I’m okay!

I worked so hard that my boss was impressed with me and even gave me a gift basket at the end with really good goodies. 

I rocked it. And I took my medicine the whole time.

I could see that the city was getting to me. Mentally and psychically. I was getting irritated and just down the right not in a good mood the last few days. I don’t like feeling like that so I know it’s my environment that helps as well.

I will be going back in February and I’m really excited to be asked to. I’ll just make sure to know how to take care of myself and to make sure to take my medicine the whole time.

I’m back!!!

What Medication??

so I totally forgot to take my mess for about 3 days!

I’m in New York doing an internship and there was just a slip of my mind. No it doesn’t have anything to do with not wanting to take it anymore, I seriously forgot.

I couldn’t sleep, I was feeling good but tired, a little little edgy, and it was because I totally forgot.

New York is great! I’m running around like a New Yorker, doing shows, learning, feeling like I’m actually helping out my boss, so I feel good!! She is super great but a little stand off ish. I think that just may be her way of dealing with assistants, but I’m trying to change that.

Anyways I got a great You’re Just Like Me coming next week and hopefully more updates on the blog.

But enough about me..

Hey YOU! You doing okay??

Med Down! Med Down!

I’ve decided to stop my medication. My husband doesn’t think I should. I am on the edge of the line with it. I’m feeling fine, holding down a job and in internship coming up. I think the only thing it helps me with is going to sleep, which i knock out in 10 mins now instead of 100 mins.

I’m feeling okay…

but why do I have the feeling like that’s the glue.

I don’t want everything that I’m doing to be based on medication I take for a disease I can’t help. I have grown, not the meds.

Argh! I don’t know what I need to do, but I may be already leaning to a side..

The Dark Knight Rises

so I got the opportunity I wanted and now I’m just waiting for it to happen.
Mentally,?I’m a clutter fuck. I can’t really put things together in my mind because of the great opportunity and me worrying about life in general , but I HOPE HOPE my mind can get it together.

I am also smoking ….so you know how that goes.

My medicine has been working still….I guess. I can’t tell anymore if I’m just numb to my brain or it’s working. I need to do a little more looking into this. Hell! If Minot crying and my mind isn’t running I should be okay right??!!

I hope all of you are okay! The BipolarBlogger Network reminded me that I need to blog more because it not only helps me but other as all. I can’t forgot my awesome blog as awesome bloggers that I love.

Please bear with me! I am having a crazy life right now and never meant to go anywhere!

Gone dark

I’ve gone dark.

I haven’t written anything in a while and well…that’s a good thing.

I told you I was going to school now and making things happen in my life instead of waiting.

I miss writing and hopefully will get back to it soon. I’m just getting some things under my belt 🙂