An old pal…

So I feel like I MAYbe heading into chaos again. I took a wrong turn on my path of turning my life around. Now. I’m have faced some consequences already.

Today I did not go to work. I faked sick so I could go to my med appointment and also because…

…I’ve started back smoking. I have only done this for a week and a day, which was yesterday. I feel like its sucking me back in to the old me. The me that didn’t do anything but smoke, lay around, be forgetful, but felt okay. Weed was my commander and I’m just the vessel. I don’t want to do that anymore.

Also, I have been eating everything in sight, without any care. I think I may have gained 5 pounds this week alone. I woke up with really bad heartburn. My mind and body are not one.

I need more control.
How do you self control??

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2 thoughts on “An old pal…

  1. First, deep breaths. I know this moment where you self indulge on everything because nothing is balancing. So you just grasp for whatever is in reach. I’m using an ecig lately and I haven’t smoked in 5 years, so trust me I so get it! Self Control, I try to busy myself and my mind. However, the one way I always am able to gain some self control….Christ. Pray, read in his words, go to church and just enjoy the atmosphere and have some coffee and take up random conversations on how people are doing. These things distract your mind and put the body back in balance. Think of it as showing your mind hey look at that pretty birdie and then let your body flee to a place where it can relax and just be. When you mind has realized what you have done it will be too late, you have already started to get a foot hold on control.

    Lastly don’t be too hard on yourself. My statement lately is “Can’t I just have one vice” and the answer is yes, but it can’t be a forever crutch. Just take it one day at a time. One day at a time. Sometimes even one minute at a time. You will gain that control back. I know it. The fact that you realize you aren’t in control is a great sign.

Rant on, my friends!

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