I am feeling so depressed and restless.
I have reasons:
1. I got a job, but it turned out to be just part time when I thought it was going to be full time. I know I shouldn’t be depressed about that, but dddaaammmnnnitttt!!!!
2. I don’t have money to do anything. At all. I had to lie and cancel my therapist appt today because I didn’t have 25.00 to spare.
3. We have no heat in our house right now until after the weekend. So, we are pretty much sitting in front of heaters not moving. Its 48 degrees in my house right now, and tonight its going to snow. Booooooooo.
4. I still have NO IDEA what I am doing at any moment in my day, life, year, forever. Its really frustrating, but I’m still in such a rut.
I thought by not drinking or smoking and taking meds that I would finally understand what was going on with me and start to live, but lately all I have been doing is the waiting game. Also it doesn’t help that I got into another argument with my husband over something dumb last night. While I have to deal with me, I also have to mother him, which isn’t fair. Uugghhhh!!
I hate feeling like this.
Bipolar, Unemployed & Lost 
Hope like hell that your heat is back on!! That is outta hand!!!
LikeLike
I know the feeling – just waiting life out… I hope things take a positive change for you soon.
In the meantime, don’t be too hard on yourself.
LikeLike
So sorry you are in the state you are. I’ve been there, thought there was no one who understood me, not even my husband. I too took care of him. Too much mothering between him, my son, and my grandson, I was ‘mothered’ out. I encourage you to do something for your self. Volunteer at your local animal shelter, hospital or home for the elderly. I know it sounds like a lot to take on when you’re depressed. But you need to get out of your own head for a while. Please, I know how you feel. Check out some of my earliest posts; I was lost and suicidal. Then read my most recent posts, you will see the obvious change. I am on heavy meds and under medical care, so I have support you don’t. But you have the support of us at WP. You can stop mothering your husband. He’ll be happier, because you will be happier and less stressed. Again, I hate to hear that you are so low. I know how hard it can be. I was depressed for almost 40 years, and now I feel in control for the first time! Life is tough, but you are tougher.
LikeLike
You are in my thoughts! Like sknicholls writes, it will get better. It’s hard to believe it right now, but it’ll change. And we are all rooting for you!
LikeLike
Hang in there. It will get better. You are making strides toward recovery that many haven’t begun to challenge.
LikeLike
Really hope and pray things start to become a lot clearer for you. Maybe time is all that is needed. Booooo, indeed on the heat. Storm coming my way and when I lose power my landlord runs a cord from a generator to keep me from dying of exposure. My apt. isn’t insulated. BIG HUG from the blogosphere.
LikeLike