Pulled, like a string.

Right now, I’m feeling mixed. There is nothing really wrong me with, but there is. I feel pulled in two different directions with my mind.

I didn’t start feeling like this until later on in the day, after I got some errands ran. Afterwards, I felt ugh and low, but not depressed. Not until my husband came home from work did I really start to feel bad. He came in in a rare mood – he was irritable and moody, but made my mood worse. He just doesn’t understand what its like for me, to deal with this everyday. I try to tell him how I feel, but every time I do he stops me and says ‘Oh, I know what your going to say’ and ‘You always say this when you get depressed’. Soon, there might not be ME to talk to you. I might actually lose it and then what…

How can I stop this heavy blanket of shit from falling all over me. I tried to so mindfulness. I tried to focus my thoughts onto something else, but got pulled under before it even made a different.

Anger, depression, sadness, feeling like I HAVE to be doing something more. All of these feelings run through me 24/7. I wake up because of it. I get high because of it. I blog because of it. It seems like the only real thing I have are these feelings..

the only real thing..

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One thought on “Pulled, like a string.

  1. Sounds like the ol’ husband isn’t super-supportive. Have you ever thought of some couples counseling? And yes, feelings are very real, but there is also a reality outside of them. Did you decide to stop smoking marijuana or not, I ask out of curiosity? You might have to make some serious life changes to feel better.

Rant on, my friends!

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