Bipolar, Unemployed, and Lost…still!!

/ TB-ohtemp

Lately, I have been feeling really mixed with taking meds or not taking meds.

I am FINALLY seeing a therapist, who is teaching me things to settle this anger inside of me and to help my brain stop thinking so much, but I don’t think it’s working, aka, mindfulness.

I don’t think it’s working because of my drug use. My brain, now, seems to be on auto pilot, so it seems that if I’m going to make this work, I have to quit smoking.

Actually, yesterday, I smoked and completely forgot a work meeting I was suppose to attend to. I had to lie to my boss because I am such a idiot.

I HAD TO LIE. Wow. I don’t know how many times I’ve lied to people because I was high, or to lazy to get up and go.

Right now I do to know who I am because of this cloud around me. Ugh. I know I keep posting about the same problem over and over, but it annoys me that I can’t get it together and get better. It’s like I like to stay this way forever, and that’s NOT the case.

The case is I’m bipolar, unemployed, and lost…still..

7 thoughts on “Bipolar, Unemployed, and Lost…still!!”

  1. My guess is letting go of anger takes time and practice to become “habit.” It’s probably not easy when the brain is used to traveling specific neural pathways. I wish I had helpful advice, I’m not very knowlegeable. I’m sure you know much more… but my guess would be that it’s like learning piano or any other skill. Put aside daily time to practice where you wish your mind to be…

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  2. Keep working at it. It seems you know what you should be doing but you can’t yet get yourself to do it. That just simply means your aren’t completely ready. There’s an underline reason as to why you struggle between taking the meds or not. I’ve been down that road. It’s all a process, a process in which you must do when you are ready, or youll continue to end up at square one. Hang in there…

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  3. Same here. But one thing I know for sure is that I’m doing my best to the point that when I thought I was dying from a recent extreme panic attack, I was at peace and felt content, like I have no regrets. So this is my advice to you: have no regrets.

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Rant on, my friends!