Lately, I have been feeling really mixed with taking meds or not taking meds.
I am FINALLY seeing a therapist, who is teaching me things to settle this anger inside of me and to help my brain stop thinking so much, but I don’t think it’s working, aka, mindfulness.
I don’t think it’s working because of my drug use. My brain, now, seems to be on auto pilot, so it seems that if I’m going to make this work, I have to quit smoking.
Actually, yesterday, I smoked and completely forgot a work meeting I was suppose to attend to. I had to lie to my boss because I am such a idiot.
I HAD TO LIE. Wow. I don’t know how many times I’ve lied to people because I was high, or to lazy to get up and go.
Right now I do to know who I am because of this cloud around me. Ugh. I know I keep posting about the same problem over and over, but it annoys me that I can’t get it together and get better. It’s like I like to stay this way forever, and that’s NOT the case.
The case is I’m bipolar, unemployed, and lost…still..