This might be Goodbye

Yesterday turned into a bad day.

I’m not going to lay down specifics, but it ended up my fiance and I arguing, with him slamming the glass out of our door. It’s just it seems like he wants to do as much as its good for him. Me? I have to go beyond and more… To me, that’s not fair. It’s not fair that I seem to be the only one thinking deeply about things.

Then to make it worse, my mom called me. She won tickets to the Price is Right and invited me….well last night I lost my phone and she told me we had to be there 3 hours early to register. I call her this morning, 3 hours before, and she said that she registered without me because I didn’t pick up the phone. YET, she never came by to get me or to see if I was home, or neither did she call my fiance. It was a bunch of bullshit.

I really feel like no one is there for me at all. That I can’t get extra help for my problems, but if someone else has a problem… im right there. That’s wrong.

My fiance told me last night that the whole last year I did ZERO for him, and that with me having soo many jobs in the past, I should be able to do things myself. Yet, I know he said things in anger, there was a hint of truth to it all. I am a loser, and I haven’t done ZERO in my life. He was right.

Now, where do I go from here? I’m typing this from my local library because I couldn’t stay in a house where I felt so ashamed, so much more a loser than ever. So, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, shit, I don’t know what will happen a couple of hours from now. All I know is that I’m not going home, and I will be sitting in the library, waiting for something in my mind to release me from my loser hold.

So, if we never talk again, or if I never come back to wordpress, I want to say thanks for listening and finding the time to read this. I know my blog was short-lived, but it was worth it.

Adieu, my friends.