When I get called out about myself, its bad.
When I get called out, I become as if Medusa looked me in the eyes – stone. I become cold and mad. I don’t like to hear about my flaws, and what I do wrong. Not in a mania phase. They are always wrong, and I’m always right.
Maybe that’s why no one ever tells me the bad things about myself. They are afraid I might chop their heads off, Lucy Liu style.
The truth is I will.
For me, this isn’t something I want to do. This is the person I really am. My feelings over power me, and then you get this emotionless, vindictive person. This monster.
My fiance is right. I always want to blame someone for my flaws and mistakes. For my quitting my job over nothing, for my not being able to save money, for my not being able to finish anything I start. These are my flaws that I don’t want to own up too.
But, in my mind, I’m kind, understanding, proactive, and determined. I’m also skinned than what I am, and cooler. I believe people are waiting for me to make the first move. How can my mind lie to my reality. Is this why I’m unhappy?
I’m so unhappy.
How can I change my perception of a life that I’m not living, into the one I want. If you want to throw some encouragement my way, please! This alice is tired of falling down the fucking rabbit hole.
Tick, tock
Posted from a woman on the go
Bipolar, Unemployed & Lost 
There have been so many times where I’ve asked myself “How do I get from here, to what I want?” and the answer is always “ACTION!” I have had to take a lot of action in the last six or eight weeks after being stuck in my shit for years. Action is painful and who wants to invite pain in? What if you embraced and examined those parts of yourself that you know are standing in your way? That is some really hard stuff. It might lead to more hard stuff. But it might also set you to feeling very free.
I wish you well and will be following along.
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Thanks for the encouragement. Every day is such a struggle. Let me ask you? How did you being to go into action. Did you spring forward or did you baby step?
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I poured into the looney bin. And after that, it’s been action, action, action!
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well, talking to you, i know there is hope:)
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I can’t believe I can actually say it, and believe it, but yes, there IS hope! Thank buddha!
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